As a Tiger Fan, I have Felt Many Things, but Never This...

My school, the University of Memphis, played our hated in-state rivals, the (not) University of Tennessee today. Three friends, with whom I enjoyed the DeAngelo Williams years, and I went to the game and crammed ourselves into decent seats along the 20 yard line. I thought over the summer and even as the year started, that given our conference (C-USA) and schedule (two relatively easy games and excellent chances against our Conference opponents), that we might go 7-5 or even 8-4. I did not think, in any case, that we would beat (not) UT, but I hoped for a competitive game that would continue to assist our recruiting C-USA type players, eventually getting us a league title and another step toward becoming a regional power program.
Our coach, Tommy West, had shown over the last three years, a willingness to spread the field with an open passing game, balanced with a good running attack led by DeAngelo. I thought our backs this year, while not first-round NFL draft picks, were adequate to keeping the spread offense moving smoothly. I also thought that Martin Hankins, our new quarterback, played quite well, even as we lost to Ole Miss four weeks ago. Even after we collapsed last week against East Carolina (East Carolina--in retrospect), I thought we still would show up to play (not) UT and make a decent showing.
In all of the above, I was wrong--terribly, horribly wrong. I have seen Memphis lose countless games since 1980, some by abysmally lopsided scores. I have seen head coaches so afraid to lose that they punt with less than 2 minutes to go in the game rather than try a 55 yard field goal that would have just resulted in a tie (Rex Dockery, 1983--RIP). I have seen dropped passes by wide open receivers in end zones that would have won games. In a word, I have seen a lot of mediocre Tiger football since 1980 and only in the last three years have I seen measureable improvement in the program.
I have until today, that is, been embarrassed, frustrated, angry, disappointed, but never ashamed during a Memphis football season. Until today. We not only lost (41-7), but we everything we seemed to have overcome in the last three years, we rediscovered today. Coach West became the second comings of Rex "Punt" Dockery, George Halas (minus Gale Sayers) and George Allen (with an Under the Ground Gang). He called running play after running play after runing play, even in 3rd down situations and over ten yards to go. On three separate ocassions, we had (not) UT pinned inside their five yard line and couldn't keep them from scoring (yep, scoring, not just getting first downs, but driving all the way down the field and scoring!!). Our defense tried in the first half, but thanks to our inept, unimaginative, three inches and a cloud of whimpering offense, simply had nothing left for the seocnd half. I will be interested to hear if Coach West blames himself for one of the worst defeats in a school-long legacy of defeats or if he'll launch into Coach-speak about "not having had time to install his new defense" (two weeks and he's a former Defensive Coordinator?) or (not) UT having a biggger football budget or some other forms of excuses. Congratulations to all UT fans: you deserved to win and played well. As for my beloved U of M, I'm out of words.

Left Wing Independence

I am neither a conservative nor a Republican. My understanding of Judeo-Christian heritage roots itself basically in the notion that God's revelation is ongoing and understood by people through the lens of their respective cultures, families and individual experiences. That's quite different from a friend of mine in Oklahoma whose view of Scripture is evangelical, which he then underdtands to make his politics left of center. I do not believe that my Christian faith, in other words, constitutes the only or final or "first among (sort of) equals" way that the One I call God becomes--in language that is, of course, inadequate--"known" to human beings. For anyone to suggest that my perspectives on faith, life and politics resides in anything left of center simply is not true.
When I was a young(er) man, I valued most what I idealistically understood as--poetically--the Beloved Community (Dr. King's phrase from his book Community or Chaos: Where Do We Go From Here) or, in a more prosaic phrase, "interracial democracy." I wanted, advocated, and argued for personal understanding and societal sacrifice in order for those ideals to become maninfested. At ten years of age, I appointed myself the campaign manager for George McGovern in my Fifth grade classroom. I supported Jimmy Carter, Ted Kennedy, John Anderson, Gary Hart, Walter Mondale, Al Gore, Michael Dukakis and Bill Clinton in my first four Presidential elections. I voted for John Kerry with pleasure in 2004. During these years, I can say that without undergoing a "conversion" experience, I did nevertheless grow increasingly weary of what I'll call "left wing orthodoxy." Beginning in 1984, but continuing in various ways over the last 22 years, I felt that to raise questions about the consistency of liberal proclamations about "tolerance," "justice," "inclusion" or--at root--how we understand the use and function of language was to broach subjects that invited something other than dialogue, argument or even the civility to agree to disagree.
Since the late 1980s, I have tried to find a via media (or, in Bill Clinton's phrase, a "third way") to insist that any method or means or idea that "seeks justice and loves kindness" (Micah 6:8) must include even those who have benefitted from the present lack of Micah's ideals. I do not believe, in reference to what one of my colleagues expressed about King Lear's two elder daughters (Goneril and Regan--who betrayed their father, sent him into a raging thunderstorm at 80 years old to fend for himself and ultimately had him killed so they could maintain the power he had fooloshly given them in response to their flattery that he had sought) would have behaved differently if women rather than men held the levers of power in society. Power corrupts, I believe, and human beings of either gender--to paraphrase George Orwell--seek it for its own sake. I also do not believe that "liberal" criticisms of Bill Cosby two years ago for insisting that black (or white or Hispanic or Native American or ..., even though he focused on black students) schoolchildren learn standard English to constitute a "selling out," but rather the belief that for those most likely to be societally forgotten to assume some responsibilty for themselves and make the "haves" pay attention to them. Frankly, I have come to believe that for a multiplicity of reasons, some originally nobel, some more recently calculated and some of which I do not know, most of my fellow left wingers cannot bring themselves to allow questions about what kind of world we actually desire and how to achieve it. If I felt a chance of having my questions heard and--more importantly--respected rather than suspected, I would stay enthusiastically with my political heritage.
Unfortunately, I do not believe questions are welcomed by orthodoxies of either left or right. After months of thinking and knowing that while I can never become a Republican, I have reached my own ironic Jim Jeffords moment. I now declare myself a political Independent and if Illinois had party registration, I would change my status accordingly. Since, however, we do not, I will confine my voting to the General election and, while leaning well to the left, try to view each candidate on the basis of his or her positions rather than using their party as a factor through which to cast my ballot. That's easy to write, but I no longer can believe that Democrats or liberals are more attune to "seeking justice and loving kindness" than are Republicans or conservatives. I no longer can just tune out the all but openly-expressed disdain from some of my fellow "liberals" when it comes to my faith in the monotheistic God expressed through Christian symbols, forms and cultural experiences. I have, fortunately, not experienced that sort of feeling from my professors at SIU, but I am not fond of references I hear that are directed to people whose friendship I cherish. I hope, in any case, that these past 22 years have allowed me to develop--at my best--means by which to react with greater wisdom and tolerance than I showed to opponents when I was a young(er) man.